闺房。蜜语

我回来啦！

2008-07-28T23:10:00.000-07:00

很久没有写blog 了。前阵子拿了两个月的study leave 在家闭关，有点与世隔绝。吃饭，读书，睡觉都是自己一个人，就快得了抑郁症。

朋友们问我最近在忙什么，我说都是在忙考试嘛，每天都在家读书，读累了才睡觉。看似很有规律，实际不然。真实情况是我得空得不得了，想读书的时候读书，想睡便睡。

我从来就不是一个很有规律的人，往往想做什么便做，永远不需要理由。我从小就把自己给宠坏，以至变得无可救药。可幸还会有人觉得我这样很可爱。：p

放了一个大假回公司，第一天便收到一个好消息。 hmm....对我来讲，也都还好啦，只是加薪少少嘛，这样的“贿赂”或许改变不了我对公司的厌倦？

不瞒你说，是有在找工啦，可是就是早不到我要的。真的有这样难吗？可能长大了，以前找工抱着不妨一试的心态，现在的要求高了，前途迷茫啊。

身边的朋友都跑去结婚，有的还生了baby，要不就事业有成，而我好像停滞在瓶颈。我会改变的，总有一天，但愿。

又一单车祸...

2008-04-27T18:10:00.000-07:00

上个周末与旧同事兼好友June 在Mid Valley小聚，距离上一次，我们已经有差不多半年没有见面了。两个女人一个墟，虽然不常见面，我们还是有说不完的话题，呵呵。

我们俩都爱喝绿茶，所以进了一间绿茶店Cha Cha，在那里呆了整半天。那天的我们聊了很多很多，虽然大多时间都是在讲八卦娱乐，哈哈。

听June 说，她的hometown, Bintulu 不久前发生了一起骇人的车祸，肇祸者是个年仅十七八岁的黄毛小子，而且还是未考到驾驶执照的。事发当天, 他不知天高地厚地载着两名同年龄的友人出游，途中不知是否煞车器失灵还是驾驶技术为够成熟之故，车祸发生了。

这起车祸其实与一般的无异，认真来讲，没有人为此而丧生，可以算是庆幸的吧。可是最叫我心寒的是其中一位主角毁容了，对，是女的！而且是超严重的那种。不单只这样，她的眼睛失明了，整颗眼睛掉了出来，女孩的父母在事发地点遍地寻找她的眼珠子，却带着失望而归，最后，医生在她的脸的骨头里面找到了一只眼睛。

我真的真的感觉很震撼，她只有十八岁耶，正值花样年华，就被逼要接受这样残酷的际遇，她能承受的了吗？我和June 都一致认为，如果我们是她，宁可死了算了。就算再怎么的坚强，以后漫长的岁月要怎么度过啊。

至此之外，肇祸者以后的命运又会是怎样的呢？他会一辈子带着歉疚，抑或是随着时间慢慢淡忘呢？我觉得他一定需要很长时间的心理建设，因为打击实在是太大了。

突然，觉得这个世界有很多人都很不幸的，自己反而幸福多了。常常自怨自艾的我们是否都该好好地反省，世界的每个角落都有很多的人需要我们的帮助，而我们大多时间都只想着自己，是否太自私了？

My Honey~~

2008-04-25T01:26:00.001-07:00

My loving little honey

I love him more each day,

When years have passed by,

I find my love belongs to him only,

Cos when the world seems wrong,

I know that I belong,

Right in my honey's lovin' arms

Grandpa is sick

2008-04-23T23:52:00.000-07:00

My grandpa was admitted to hospital last night. I cant help but all fear and emotion run their course. Even though I have no real information upon what had happened or wat's wrong with him, my imagination started to run wild.

Immediately and instinctly, I rang up my mom to check out his condition while trying to persuade myself there is no cause of alarm at this point of time. My mom ended up telling me there's accumulation of water in his lung, and doctor is examining him now albeit the result will be out few days later.

I cant do anything right now bt keep my fingers crossed, I hope he will be alright.

Happy 22nd bday, my dearest brother!

2008-04-14T02:30:00.000-07:00

Dear Jackson~~
I am so sorry that I forgot to wish u just now in MSN...u know I always have you in my mind and wishing is just a wishing while blessing sometimes can be unreal...I know what u want in most practical way~~dang dang dang dang~ a brand new Nike shoes as ur bday present, am I right? I know I know...ur shoes has been spoilt and u always like sport shoes....I will buy u one while we shopping together alright cus I really dunno ur lousy taste! :p

Again, happy bday my dear, I wish all ur dreams come true this year and of cos many years ahead. Work hard and study hard, hope ur dream of studying in US come true so that I can travel to US kekeke...Indeed, happy to have u as my brother cus u're wonderful! Enjoy ur big day bday boy, will catch up with u soon alright. see ya. :)

Your pretty sister,
me

像南瓜的面包店

2008-04-13T04:03:00.000-07:00

不知道大家有没有留意这家很像南瓜的蛋糕店—Cake Sense。我想这家店的主人一定很喜欢吃南瓜，因为他几乎将整间店都漆上南瓜的颜色，还有还有。。他家的店员都打扮得像南瓜，很逗趣!

我不是面包的fans, 也不是很喜欢吃蛋糕（认识我的人都知道我比较喜欢吃饭，嘻嘻！），可是我却每天都会到这家离我PJ 的家很近的蛋糕店逛逛，目的不是要买蛋糕，不知道为什么，就是经过的时候，很习惯性的走进去就是了。

这间规模不是很大的蛋糕店，摆放着各式各样的面包，我真的不得不佩服面包师傅，能够把面包变出不同的花样来。一走进店面，就有着扑鼻的阵阵甜味，还有那些小小的，五颜六色的，打扮的美美的蛋糕们，很想会笑似的，看着它们这么开心，我也会打从心里笑出来。。。

我最爱他家的strawberry short cake, 小小的奶油蛋糕上面点缀着两颗大大的strawberry, 真的真得很漂亮！每一次见到它，就会想起日剧《蛋糕物语》里的深田恭子问隆泽秀明：“你会先吃蛋糕还是草莓？”那部戏其实是蛮无聊的偶像剧，长大的我已经很少会看偶像剧，然而以前这部戏却确实让我感动过，还有那首英文歌和深田恭子暗恋的学长常常弹奏的钢琴曲，至到现在我都还很喜欢。

今天，我在他家的店买了一个蛋塔还有一个鸡肉丝面包当我的晚餐，我也在夜市买了南瓜马蹄露。。。这也算是我丰盛的一餐了，呵呵。再见了南瓜店，我明天还会来看你。:p

思念是一种病？

2008-04-11T20:11:00.001-07:00

你有试过思念一个人吗？那种感觉既甜蜜又痛苦。他的脸一次又一次的出现在你面前，但他却是那么的遥远，无法亲近。整夜的辗转难眠，脑海里都是他的容颜。

此时此刻的我是多么强烈地思念着他，像是患了重感冒，难受极了。已经习惯了用这种方式折磨自己，像是上了瘾。我患得患失，我的心情由他来主宰，我无法自拔。。。

思念的滋味，就是这样，我开始懂了。

Pathetic me.

2008-04-11T02:39:00.000-07:00

Last night, I slept at 2 a.m because when I got bk frm Miri, it was already 11pm something. So when I was done with my wash up, I was waiting for his call, hoping to get his attention, like usual before I went to bed. After a while, I realised he was not gonna call me tonight as he was in China, feeling a bit upset and disappointed, I went to sleep.

I was so tired this morning and felt a bit sick and headache, I woke up ard 9 stg. Obviously I was late for work, without much hesitation I sent a sms to my manager telling him I was not gonna work today reason being not feeling well. I had barely any sleep and was in no mood to go anywhere.

Today is just a rough day to me. I totally feeling unwell both physically and mentally. Probably it is the heat or lack of sleep, I am so freaking out and feeling kind of dizzy when I see the crowd, I am so lost and I just wanna be alone.

I have been said to be anti-social nowadays. I seldom go out with friends simply becos I dun like being forced to go out with people whom I am not comfortable with. Honestly speaking, I jt aint interested in filing my time with meaningless wandering or listening to superficial conversation jt to pass my time.

Well, I am not saying people around me are superficial, jt that I prefer to enjoy being alone. I still find the pleasure of, u know, getting up, doing ntg, and then going to bed, repeating it thusly, hehe. I know I am wasting my time. God, please help.

I am telling myself, now, I need to work hard, I must set a goal and achieve it. Otherwise I would be a loser in life. I will start to make it a change. First step is to start with a positive outlook in life. Gambateh~ you can definitely make it, cheers. :)

等待的美丽

2008-04-04T19:58:00.000-07:00

曾经读过一本书，里面的一则小故事让我蛮感动的。话说张爱玲有个姑姑叫张茂渊，他出身贵族，还曾经留洋念书。这女孩一直独身，当人们终于听到她结婚消息时他已经78岁。

以张茂渊来讲，怎么可能没人爱？她的父亲是清朝的重臣，她有的是万贯家财和才情容貌集于一身，况且她又是中西合璧的可人儿，这等女子几世才有一个啊。可她爱上的翩翩少年是留学时认识的李开第，她认定了他，也被他爱着，可是人家从小就有婚约在身，她不想别人痛苦，于是她放弃，约定了来生，从此再也没有爱过别人。当李开第的老伴去世后，两个古稀老人终于走在一起，78岁的李茂渊，如愿以偿嫁了初恋的人，从此恩爱生活，直到90岁去世。

不知道这故事的真假，但这样的情节在当今的社会可说是少之又少吧。而对于我来说，这样刻骨铭心的爱情是可遇而不可求的，如果我能遇到一个值得我等待的人，即使等待终于成空，我也不悔，毕竟把心交给了等待，很浪漫呢。当然大前提是他必须是爱我的，我是不会傻到去等一个不爱我的人，因为这样的等待很折磨人的，一点都不美丽！

Car or no car?

2008-03-19T01:19:00.000-07:00

Very happy to announce that my brand new car has jt arrived. It's silver in color Perodua MyVi, cool right? hehehe.. I personally think that it's the cutest car amongst the local ones. The outlook is more or less like Daihatsu Sirion, if some of u're into car. The fact is perodua jt make some cosmetic make up to the Daihatsu thus it looks sweeter. My first option was actually pearly white instead of silver, bt my mom was trying to persuade me to get a silver one as it might be more durable in terms of dirtiness, valid enough though. Never mind, I think silver is cool also.

In fact I was not desperate to get a car in the first place. I ordered it as my parents encouraged me to have one and I guess it's more convenient to me especially I am working in a city where the public transpotation system is not well established. Nevertheless, after calculating the cost of gas, repairs, car insurance and etc....it can be frivolous having a car....I am worried that I might be slowly drowning in debts due to above payments. Thinking of the car payment that drains several hundreds dollars monthly frm my bank accounts make me sick...and not only that, I would have to worried about the price of gas and the rising cost of operating my car..gosh! On top of that, I am thinking...car-free lifestyle used to empower me to do more shopping.....argh...for now I have to forgoing my shopping habit, sigh!

But afterall, I love to drive especially at night. Imagine u're able to get in ur own car and drive off with romantic music playing along...hehe. :) And I wish to share the car with my loved ones especially my lovely KenKen, having him around makes me comfortable as if even the sky fall in, he will be with me. I really appreciate u dear, deep down my heart. Back to my car issue, haha.....I am pretty excited actually cus frm today onwards, I no longer have to pay the unneccesary cab fare and waiting for the public transport which indeed makes ma crazy. I would like to thank my father to sponsor some downpayments...he is great....I will work hard and study hard and I would make him proud n I would let him know that things which he's done to me is worth it, I swear.

Malaysia police sucks!

2008-03-16T23:12:00.000-07:00

You know how much I hate malaysian police? To me, the police force shld instill professionism & not cronyism. Nowadays, wrong doers go free and police get "fat" by corruption. I really cant see the points of hiring them. They are not contributing anything to the citizens, not at all! I cant see the crime rate being reduced, instead, they are causing stupid roadblock. Their so called biggest duty and responsibilty is to issue blind summons for speeding without proof and when u're being caught, they will ask for "kopi money".

Of cos, I cant deny some of the cops r doing their job, but I would say, majority r jt slacking off. I totally have no idea y there are dozens of stupid ones wearing "uniforms of justice" while thery r not doing anything in upholding justice. Thinking about the current state of Malaysia makes me sad, no matter how my head burst with anger, I do hope Malaysia will get better although I know the hope is getting thinner each day.

I am loving it~~

2008-03-14T02:56:00.001-07:00

Just saw a toga style dress online...satin material yet, still stretchy cz of the cream lining color which d ribbon is stretchable. Guess how much?? Only RM40!!! I am dying to have it!

我@幸福

2008-03-11T21:07:00.000-07:00

我想要我要的忙，
忙着我想要做的事，
多我来说，这样可以很幸福。

我喜欢无所事事，
可以胡思乱想，天马行空，
幻想着自己，
忙着我想要做的事，
那一刻，我也是幸福的。

A note to myself

2008-03-09T00:28:00.000-08:00

Dear me,

I know it had been difficult with many hardships and pain along the way. No one undestands u, u find urself unaware of where u r going n wat u r doing. Dear, no worries, things will look up, eventually. Nothing in life is forever no matter wat. If things are supposed to turn out one way, no matter what happens, who walks in or who walks out of ur life, no matter what challenges and changes may arise, if it is supposed to happen, it will. Time is the best medicine to cure ur mental wound.. believe me. Please, be happy, be smiling, no crying, u should enjoy life for what it is, and not be miserable for what it isn't. I know, I really understand u r tired of everything, please, i beg u, keep ur head up high, u have a strength within urself, to live a happy life. For I really love u, more than anybody else.

Love,
myself

Love just aint enough??

2008-03-05T19:05:00.000-08:00

Each time listen to this oldies, I would instantly become sentimental cus the lyrics is very meaningful.

I dont wanna lose you,I dont wanna use you
Just to have somebody by my side
And I dont wanna hate youI dont wanna take you
But I dont wanna be the one to cry
That dont really matter to anyone, anymore
But like a fool
I keep losing my place
And I keep seeing you walk through that door
But theres a danger in loving somebody too much
And its sad when you know its your heart you cant trust
Theres a reason why people dont stay where they are
Baby sometimes love just aint enough.

In this era of dating, most people have more than one pot on the fire, sometimes people are dating for the sake of having somebody by their sides, some simply love to be in love. The other day went out with one of my good friend. She is a pretty friend of mine who really inspires me a lot, she can even brighten up my day without spending any effort, we can talk everything under the sun. She has a very steady boyfriend who loves her a lot, pampers her so much...she is another typical gal who cant live without a man, sadly to say haha....and she told me she found herself into her collegue AGAIN, and the feeling is so called "crush". OMG, I thght she was pretty contended with her bf.....and she laughed at me for being old-fashioned, being outdated. Well, i have no idea.

Few days back I attended a motivational talk organised by my company the speaker was a very famous motivational trainer -Lee Sheng Wah. He was a very interesting speaker I could say cus normally I would fall asleep when I listend to this kind of talk or watsoever. Suprisingly I was so awaked during the seminar. When he asked us to define what is love, audiences came out with various funny descriptions, of cos some are lame ones, e.g "love is L, O, V, E", pissed me off! Well, worth to mention that different people have differrent thinkings towards what is love. That's y I say it's so abstract. I had a quarrel with my dear not too long ago, he said I dunno what is true love. To him, love is willingness to be sacrified, willingness to be changed for the other party. Out of egoism, I told him I would not change for anyone, cus i am who I am. Actually in real case, without my realisation, I have been changed by him not-so-obviously.

An apple slide turns brown. Fish becomes rancid. A cut on your skin is raw and inflamed. It happens to all cells in nature. Nevertheless, love will never fade. I found myself have been addicted, it is the condition related to the heart and has nothing to do with the brain. I cant help cus i cant withraw it, anymore. It might sound ludicrous to many people, simply becos I am so in love with a guy whom I hadly meet. It's a phenomenon when u're in love, it's called blind. Ever came acrossed an article whereby the resercher have concluded that The look of love is, indeed, all in the eyes. I found he is so attractive to me, I love the way he gazes at my face and tell me how beautiful I am. I enjoyed sitting by the phone, waiting for his call. I am indulged in his voice, he sings so well. I really appreciate what he's been done to me no matter it's penny little thingy or watsoever. I wonder why he is so insecure to himself, cus to me he is almost perfect regardless he is so ridiculous from time to time.

Sometimes, love just aint enough, I tend to learn that if you really into somebody, u have to let him/her know how much you love him/her. Even though sometimes I am pretty certain that he has been to me, I was forced to concede he wasnt bcos he was not doing what I was anticipating...
To me, true love always prevails. If you're in the right relationship, you will know it and it wont be based on whether ppl are supporting it.

First post

2008-02-24T22:24:00.000-08:00

Finally, I have my own blog created! Many thanks to Laily, my great buddy cus without her, I would never think of posting a single word online, not to say have my own blog. I know all the while, I am an extremely lazy person. =)

I have read over or come across many people's blog, some blogs really inspire me a lot. As for myself, I am here not to inspire anyone nor impress anyone, I just need a room for me to relief my stress especially today is a real damn blue Monday. This is also where the title of my blog came about -闺房。蜜语. I personally think the name is quite cool and very girly, which is always my style I know I shouldnt be sometimes especially very often I would bring my sense of girlishness into working place in a subtle way....Well, this is another story. What pissed me off is Laily was teasing the title of my blog for being a bit....well, sexually arousing...I think this fellow mind must be full of yellowish stuff. :p

Totally have no mood today, dun feel like doing anything, I guess my life is very dull and no excitement at all. I am working for the sake of working, to be more precise, working for the sake of money even though my ego and self-esteem prevail over money. I know i am contracdicting myself, but afterall, life is always contradictory isnt it. Was chatting with Laily just know through MSN, she said by listening 五月天's song, she got less tense up....I guess I have to find something to do, get myself obsess with something. ....

Without realising I have been writing so much....feel much better now. Yeah~ =)